Navigating overwhelm with connection
If your child with autism shuts down or withdraws, it doesn’t mean they don’t want connection. They need to feel safe and connect at their own pace. I help parents and teachers navigate this journey with patience, insight, and practical tools.
Connecting at a child’s pace
Understanding overwhelm in children with autism
A child with autism can sometimes easily be overwhelmed. For example by a new person that suddenly comes into a room and wants to connect with the child by saying “Hi”, making eye contact,… However, when the new person does not expect the child to take all this information at once and they enter at the child’s pace, the experience can be positive for both.
This is one of the approaches to create some connection. What I would try to do for some connection or a way in to their heads to understand their ways of thinking, their needs, their worries, their happy place I give them space and check for their queues that they can take in some more information about me or the changing situation.
A real-Life example of a way into connecting:
During a school visit, I entered a room with multiple children. I was told and noticed one child had autism. I noticed me coming into the room and saying “hi to the class” gave him already a bit overload. So I gave him space and let him be for some time Rather than approaching him directly, I maintained some distance, greeted the other children, and allowed him space.
The teacher showed me another room next to the classroom where we talked a bit more. 5min later we came back to the classroom. When I returned, I noticed the boy looking at me. We made eye contact and he gave me this beautiful wide genuine smile-as if he was saying, thank you for giving me the time to regulate, now I can respond how I really feel about you/someone new being here. He was HAPPY, he enjoyed meeting people, he just needed some time.
Overwhelm does not always mean discomfort
It’s important to understand that if a child becomes overwhelmed or even cries, it doesn’t necessarily mean they didn’t enjoy the experience. Nor does it mean that such situations should be avoided.
It only means it has to be at the child’s pace. For the child it is sometimes a matter of finding a way (or learn) how to regulate themselves in order to be able to fully enjoy it. And also to communicate how much time they want to spend there.
For a child, regulating emotions is part of learning how to navigate the world.
Think of it like attending to a deeply emotional opera or listening to music that moves you to tears. It can be overwhelming, yet beautiful and meaningful right? Or should you stop going?
This concept applies to all human beings, not just children with autism. Sometimes people get overwhelmed or anxious during a conversation and it can be difficult. It can be difficult for the person that is sharing in this conversation to continue, as well as it can be difficult for the person who is listening who gets overwhelmed or upset. In some cases the conversation might need a break or a stop. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a meaningful or even enjoyed by both parties. It only means it got to a level that was too much for a bit.
As people grow(I am of the opinion that people keep growing throughout life) they learn to regulate their emotions better. Over time they then can handle deeper, more intense conversations and experiences with greater ease. As they learn to regulate more and more during the conversations and enjoy more.
So please, don’t shy away from meaningful conversations just because they might trigger emotions or feel overwhelming. Instead, be patient and kind to yourself throughout them. Recognize your limits, and allow yourself the space and breaks to grow through them.
Would you like some help/support connecting with your child for you or your partner, class or play mates or even their teacher? Contact. I am happy to help. Also with other Services.