A child with autism can sometimes easily be overwhelmed by a new person that suddenly comes into a room and wants to connect with the child by saying “Hi”, making eye contact,… Although if the person does not expect the child to just be able to take all this information at once and is happy to enter at the child’s pace, it can be a great experience for both. This is also what I try to do when I am looking for connection or a way in to their heads to understand their ways of thinking, their needs, their worries, their happy place.
Example:
I was a new person that entered a room with multiple children during a school visit I did. I was told and noticed one child had autism and I noticed me coming into the room and saying hi gave him already a bit overload. So I gave him space and ignored him a bit while keeping distance and saying hi to the other children. Then we went into the kitchen and I had a chat with a teacher. 5min later we came out of the kitchen, I saw the boy looking at me, we made eye contact and he gave me this beautiful wide open smile-like saying thank you for giving me the time to regulate, now I can react how I really feel about you/someone new being here. He was HAPPY, he enjoyed meeting people, he just needed some time.
It is not because a situation ends up in overwhelm or in crying that the child did not enjoy himself. And this does not mean these situations have to be avoided.
It only means it has to be at the child’s pace.
For the child it is sometimes a matter of finding a way to learn how to regulate themselves in order to be able to fully enjoy it.
It can be like going to an opera for some people or listening to some music that really can touch you and can bring you to tears, you feel the drama the emotions,… but you enjoy it right? Or should you stop going?
This is not only the case for children with autism, this is for all human beings. Sometimes people get overwhelmed or anxious during a conversation and it can be difficult. It can be difficult for the person that is sharing in this conversation to continue, as well as it can be difficult for the person who is listening who gets overwhelmed or upset. In some cases the conversation might need a break or a stop. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a meaningful or even enjoyed by both parties. It only means it got to a level that was too much for a bit. As people grow(I am of the opinion that people keep and should to keep growing throughout life) they can get better at regulating themselves, then they can regulate more and more during the conversations and enjoy more. So people, please don’t quit talking about (enjoyable) topics that might be triggering or make you feel anxious or overwhelmed, be patient with yourself throughout it, feel your limits and over time learn to grow through it.
Would you like some help/support connecting with your child for you or your partner, class or play mates or even their teacher? Contact. I am happy to help. Welcome at Connection beyond words.